For years growing up I wanted to believe in something… something besides Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. As a child, I would sit in trees for hours, watching all the birds and the clouds floating by. I was inspired by the vastness of the universe and all the things that it could hold. Then, when I was around fifteen, I discovered alcohol.
For the next twenty years I would search for my place in life. And alcohol was always right there with me. At which point I became an alcoholic, I’m not sure, but the realization was made pretty early in my twenties. At one point, I remember having this sinking feeling in my soul that no matter what I accomplished in life, I would always be left unsatisfied. One thing I realize now, I had “having fun” confused with happiness. My life, while addicted to king alcohol, was full of calamity.
Deep down, it seems that everyone wants to believe in some power greater than themselves; in some universal life force that connects all living things. For most of my life, I wanted to believe in a power greater than myself, but I lived as if I was the center of the universe. What I lacked was some type of spiritual guidance and a reason to live besides drinking alcohol and having fun.
At the age of 36, after years of trying to get sober, I finally accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic and that I needed to learn about treating alcoholism, my alcoholism. So I entered a 28 day rehab center, actually it was the third time I had tried rehab, but this time I was doing it for me!
One of the most important things I have learned in recovery is how to find happiness in yourself. Once I learned how to love myself, I found that everything I need to be happy is already inside of me! Prior to embracing recovery, everything seemed like a major traumatic event, my life was full of calamity. After years of working on a spiritual program of recovery, I’m now able to match calamity with serenity. I’ve finally found something to believe in; myself and the spiritual power of the universe in which I live.